Everytime when a New Year comes, I really, really hope I could learn to apply the art of "Letting Go". Letting go of all the past, and never have any feeling at them. I have a very bad memory, but whenever I read down all my entries, I am happy that I jotted the down, but at the same time also very sad that those memories shed my tears.
I have got too many, too many unhappy events in the past. I wish I could do better. I wish, I will have the courage to say all those to my parents, to my friends, to my past loves...to all special people I mentioned here in my entries. They are those who jotted little stories in my life story book.
I never wanna welcome a new year actually. No matter how positive thinking I forced myself to be, deep down, I knew welcoming a new year means, I am getting a year older, my parents getting a year older, my young memories get a year further, my pups getting a year older, Mary getting year older, everything just get a year older..what does it so good to be a year older?
When I was young, I used to pray to get old sooner. To skip school, and to work. Now when I think back, I was so naive and selfish. Just because I wanted to be older and to skip school, I have ignored the families that will grow old, ignored the memories that will go further. I was so selfish. The younger days me, I was so sinful.
I wish I could have a little more courage to say all this.
My brother posted something on his wall today.
I realized, he thinks the same as mine. But the only difference is, I have learn myself to think positively. We all, must learn to think positively anyway, no matter how hard the situation is, don't we?
I think, in my offguard defence, my memories is still with the Year of 2000, where we were still in Year 5 Secondary School of SMK Convent Klang. We skipped school, we cursed the teachers, we were rebellious, we abhors the rules, but we did together. Our feelings were genuine. We fell in love with first love, did all the things we think we should, we tried to live with each other, but we ended up separated after that because we understood each other too much. My love life were so messy back then, but we were very happy because of those ups and downs, we grow up and learned. We often go to mamak stalls nearby, gossips, chit-chatted, we went to tuition together, we were like kids, no worries at all.
But now, it's the story of 11 years ago. I really miss those happy moments.
